Zach has been asking for over a week to get his ears pierced. Dad is a conservative kind-a-guy and was against it. I wasn't as horrified by the idea.
Saturday night we were at one of Brandon's hockey games and I got a text from Zach. It said: I don't want Dad to hate me, but this is something I have to do.
I am trying to be patient with Zach and understand that he is 16, wants some independence and freedom. He is not always going to make the choices we would approve of. I feel like I need to cut the apron strings, let him make a few choices, choose the battles I need to fight with him, and let him grow into a man.
I'd like to know what you would do. Honest opinions please!
Really, I would have blown my stack if my teenage son or daughter did something against either of our wishes.
ReplyDeleteWe do need to cut our apron strings, but kids must follow the rules of the house.
Think back when you were a kid, there were things your parents didn't want you to do. Did you feel like your parents were horrible people?
Okay, maybe you did at the time, but didn't you grow up to be an okay person? I bet you did and you probably are thankful for the rules set.
The way I see it is, if kids don't learn the value of following rules set at home then how will they govern their own life? Will they cave to every fad or fashion?
All too often, I see kids slipping into the same clicks of their peers. A person can't distinquish one from another. Where's their personal identity? Simple, they don't have one because they are like everyone else.
Instead of being a leader, the kid becomes a follower. The bottom line is they surcomed to peer pressure. Where will this take them next time - premaritial sex, alochol, drugs, shoplifting,...?
I should have also written this was totally uncharacteristic of Zach to do something like this. He has always been the kid we could count on to follow the rules, be where he said he would be, ask permission before he did anything... He is an awesome kid! Todd and I were blown away and didn't know where this was coming from.
ReplyDeleteWe did have a long conversation with Zach and found out a few things that were bothering him. Mainly about his grades and self-esteem. He was doing this earring thing to give himself something to feel good about (his words, not mine).
We really worried us and we discussed it with Zach. Everything is good now. We are helping Zach and even praised him for being honest with us about his feelings. (How many 16 year old kids do that?)
Cathy - I sent you an email. I also want to express my thanks to you for your opinion. I wanted honesty. Sometimes it's hard to see things clearly when you are right smack in the middle of an issue.
Not having a boy I can only give my opinion from a girls point ....I agree earring can be removed...it's better than gaging (I think thats how you spell it) ,my hubby is more conservative than me I feel like there is a small window in their young adult life to be adventurous before they have to be serious. Earrings seem harmless. You do have to pick your battles this one is small and he is a good kid focus on that.
ReplyDeleteOh the poor boy. I think parenting teenagers has got to be the hardest thing ever. I feel terribly for him that doing something against your wishes is what he found to be his comfort and something to make him feel better, but it's definitely more healthy than so many other options. Here's hoping he finds ways to say happy all around.
ReplyDeleteHe is at that age where he is testing the water. He's between adulthood and adolescence. He chose earrings to make a statement, not drugs, alcohol or violence. Like you said, they can be removed. My brother is a real conservative guy and got both of his ears pierced too.
ReplyDeleteYou may find that Zach will tire of them, stop wearing the studs and the holes will grow closed--wearing earrings is a hygiene issue and some guys just don't want to bother with it afterwhile. After the whoopla is over, reality sets in. I think you handled it well, exactly what I would have done.
ReplyDeleteI think picking your battles is important, pink hair or earrings are minor things compared to smoking, drinking and drugging. Even the bestest kids get that toe wet occassionally.
Tami, I think it was really daring for him to do it without your permission. But I think giving him a little leeway through out his life isn't the worst thing. You know the relationship my mom and I have (very give and take) and it's worked out perfectly for us. And you have heard about Mike and his mom, and how horribly her controlling habits have turned out for her. He did something you didn't want but it's definitely not the worst he could have. How'd he get them done without a signature. I just got my 3rd hole pieced and I had to sign, but obviously I'm old enough.
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