Daddy's Little Girl

When I was 10 my mother left my father for another man.  I have a few memories of my father.  Some are good memories, like when he took me and my sisters ice skating, to chase a hot air balloon and to build us  a huge snow fort.  Some are bad.  I remember his anger and how scary it was.   I remember the day he sat me and my sisters down to tell us he and my mother were separating.  He was crying and told us how much he loved us.  

 A few years later my mom married the man she left my dad for.  He was a bitter man.  He would sarcastically say cruel things to me and my sisters and then laugh about it.  This type of behavior went on even as I was an adult.  My step-father and mother manipulated my thoughts into believing my father was a drunk, a coward and a horrible person.  As a child, I was influenced by their words and began to hate my father.  By his choice, my father didn't come to my graduation nor come to my wedding.

  

I am not blessed to have a father that loved me, and hugged me, and told me every day how beautiful and wonderful I am. I am not blessed to have a father, that thinks of me as his wonderful little girl, no matter how old I get, no matter how many mistakes I make. I am not blessed to have a father that was there for me in my times of need, and there to celebrate when I succeeded.  I am not Daddy's little girl.

      As a teenager I craved the love that my father (and step-father) was not providing.  I turned to other unhealthy means trying to fill that need.  I was I numb. I regret the decisions I made as a teen.  

     The lack of nurturing as a child left a hole in my heart.  I was not a whole person until I met the man I married.  The first time he put his arms around me I was overwhelmed with a sense of peace and I felt safe.  I am blessed to have a husband who tells me he was proud that I even tried at all. I am blessed to have a husband who hugs me and who tells me I am beautiful.  Because of him, I have had more success than I could have dreamed of.  

     A small part of me feels like the little girl who felt no love; however, a larger part of me knows I am beautiful and worthy of love because my husband told me and showed me. 

My husband loves me more than any other man ever can.  I am blessed!

     Our sons will grow up knowing love and they will be a stronger better person for it. I know this, because I know I am a stronger and a better person by knowing my husband.  Someday our sons will realize how wonderfully blessed they are to have a father like him.